Entertainer Quotes

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.
With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
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