Tim Allen Quotes

Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

Related Books

Author Profile

Votes :
Rating :
AuthorName
Tim Allen
Profession
Comedian
BirthDate
13 June, 1953
View Profile

Share to your friends..

Related Author

A. Whitney Brown Abbi Jacobson Adam DeVine Al Madrigal Al Yankovic Alan King Alexandra Wentworth Allen Covert Amanda Seales Amy Hill Amy Poehler Amy Schumer Ana Gasteyer Andrew Dice Clay Andy Kaufman Andy Kindler Andy Milonakis Andy Richter Andy Samberg Anjelah Johnson
view more

Popular Topics

Attitude Death Inspirational Life Love Motivational Nature Positive